August 16th 2008, 12:30am Friday.
Well, I felt that I had to write in my journal, though I also feel that I need to write it on the computer, because it is so much faster than scratching out every letter. And mistakes are easily erasable.
Today hasn’t been that interesting. I haven’t done much of mention. I went to the dance, and this is where the ‘something of mention’ was, though it wasn’t really me doing anything, more of witnessing something.
Do you ever feel that you witness greatness in something? Or maybe someone? Well, I have witnessed someone great. Someone amazing. Someone special. And I don’t mean that in a creepy, or negative way at all. See, I met Shannon. Right off the bat, there was something about her that I could tell she was home schooled, and though that usually sets people strangely as an outcast, Shannon was not. Rather, she was kind, thoughtful, brave, open, intelligent, and all of this obvious in the short half hour I met her.
Now all that said, there is more. See, she is duel citizenship in Canada and the USA, even though she was born in Germany, and grew up in Turkey. She has been to Italy and one other place that I forgot the name of. She looks young and yet has taken three years of Education to teach Elementary school kids, at BYU Idaho, with only 2 more years left. She’s a go-getter. She DOES what she wants to do. She is not afraid. And she is GREAT.
I only met her for so short a time, but I think she has permanently affected my life. I got along with her. I could talk to her. I didn’t feel like an idiot in front of her. Around other people, such as the parlor girls, I feel outcast and stupid. Yet around her I was not judged, not awkward.
In all of this, what does it mean? Why is this of mention really? I met a great person? And so what?
Because it’s my turn.
I am so DONE with all of this. THAT, what she had, THAT I want. True freedom. No fear. She can do what she wants because she is not afraid, and isn’t judging of everything around her.
She danced with the man in the wheelchair. How? Dunno, but she did it! She introduced herself, even though she knows that she is leaving in a few weeks, has no need to learn our names, has no reason to become interested in our lives, but she did anyway. She is my hero. I want to be like her. Caring, and careless. Caring of people, and careless for fear. She is courageous, and wise too.
It is my turn. I’ve been waiting, and now I want to stand up and BE somebody. What have I been waiting for? The things I fear aren’t ever going to be less intimidating. I just have to go do it, and then instead of analyzing it and fretting over what-if-details, do the next thing that scares me.
It’s time.
