Change

Change is always inside of us, no matter how much we desperately want to curse, blame or give credit to our surroundings or environment.

A little while back I had a moment of different feelings that I have never felt before. It was so distinct. The feelings were simple. “There is such a change coming your way that you will take leaps where you took baby steps before.” And I didn’t know what to do because I was driving a vehicle at the time, and when something that direct and that blunt hits you that strongly, the first impulse is to stop, stare blankly, mouth agape and just sit in shock, but I can’t exactly do that while driving a car. Instead, I pressed the gas harder and stared wide-eyed ahead, a smile forming on my lips and no words to express. It was such a huge feeling of excitement that washed over me that I sped my vehicle WAY over the limit for quite a distance before I came to again and realized how much over the limit I was going.

And for a while I held the thought in the back of my head, and said nothing to anyone. I didn’t want to ruin the moment. Because maybe I had just dreamed it, maybe it was just the sunshine, maybe it was just my imagination. But here I am and over and over I am finding myself staring at a ladder that is leaning against the very walls that not long ago I stared at and saw as obstacles.

The change is in me. I am what’s changing. The ladder has always been there, but I have never seen it before. Now I see the ladder and I see a way over the walls and as it becomes clearer that it is this opportunity to climb the ladder over the wall that I am supposed to take. It is this change, in these future moments. I battle the fear inside and take a step closer to the ladder, and as I do, I feel such joy!

It’s so exciting to see the path laid out ahead of me like this. For so long it’s been a path that has lead to a wall. But now I see that there is a way over the wall and my journey is opening up. The path is leading to the ladder, not the wall, and I couldn’t see that before. The wall is fear, and the ladder is courage. The other side of the wall holds so many frightening experiences… exciting experiences. To hold back would be stupid. The opportunities are endless once I cross this wall. This is what I believe it is like to fly. This is what it’s like to have change.

The Universe: Explained

I am about to explain the universe... So listen closely children...

I have here my thoughts on everything. It may have one piece missing (maybe....), but I think this is it, the explanation of the universe. At least as I see it. My perspective. Me.

:D

There are three substances that make up the entire universe: energy, intelligence, and truth.

I did not include matter, and matter is all around us. So obviously there is more to the list, right? Well, frankly, no. We are taught in science class that everything physical around us is made up of particles. And it has been discovered that somewhere deep within the particles (when we reach in far enough with the microscope) we have quarks, which are made of energy. This discovery implies that everything solid, and everything we see, is made of quarks and essentially energy.

Energy also encompasses thought. Thoughts are in fact energy which can affect the world around us. It’s as though our thoughts go through a transformation instantaneously after we have made them, and they become energy. A great example of this phenomena is something many if not all of us encounter, which is this: when one of us puts a lot of thought into a project or spends all day learning at a seminar or at school, more often than not, we feel fatigued, as though we have used a lot of energy. Which is true. It uses energy to think, not just to stay awake.

But if there were only energy in the universe, humans, animals and plants wouldn't exist because it would be like a whole bunch of cars without drivers. There has to be some kind of intelligence that drives the energy/matter, in order for anything at all to happen. And let me tell you, anything would happen if we left the universe to fend for itself with only energy/matter and intelligence. So what else are we missing?



Laws. Without law, order and consequences, there would be absolute chaos in the universe, so there would need to be laws, which I’m going to simplify as truth. Truth is that when we jump, we fall down; when we do good, we feel good; touching hot stoves, will get us burned. Truth/law exists already, we don’t need to provoke it or conjure it to see it. It just is. Truth unexplainably just is, in the same way that we just are. It’s there, we’re here, and we are left struggling to understand the beginnings.



And let me just quickly mention the second level of truth. The first level is the experiences that we can identify logically (ie: jumping, and falling back to the ground, if we get hurt, it takes time to heal). The second level of truth is greater than the first and is recognized by God. It is on this second level of truth that the first can bend. God grants us miracles of total immediate healing, removing guilty consciences, and bringing loved ones back from beyond the veil, all of which defy the first law of truth that we have come to basically understand in this world. Healing takes time often left with scars, our guilt is a natural consequence of doing something against our better judgment, and death is total; according to the first level of truth. There is a greater truth that God lives that can bend the smaller laws to allow things to happen according to his will, when we believe strongly in something.

So, to briefly re-cap:

Energy is matter:

Intelligence drives matter,












and Truth keeps Intelligence and Energy in line.











These three pieces that make up the universe are so sure and stable, no matter how much lying, covering or ignorance there is concerning them, they will still be there at the end of it all, when our bodies join the dust, and the dust turns to crystal. In fact, these three pieces will be the reason why our bodies turn to dust, why our spirits won’t, and the reason the dust turns to crystal at the end of it all. They are unfaltering basics of the universe that govern the path of the whole universe.

Did I lose anyone?

“You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.” - Aristotle

August 16th 2008, 12:30am Friday.

Well, I felt that I had to write in my journal, though I also feel that I need to write it on the computer, because it is so much faster than scratching out every letter. And mistakes are easily erasable.

Today hasn’t been that interesting. I haven’t done much of mention. I went to the dance, and this is where the ‘something of mention’ was, though it wasn’t really me doing anything, more of witnessing something.

Do you ever feel that you witness greatness in something? Or maybe someone? Well, I have witnessed someone great. Someone amazing. Someone special. And I don’t mean that in a creepy, or negative way at all. See, I met Shannon. Right off the bat, there was something about her that I could tell she was home schooled, and though that usually sets people strangely as an outcast, Shannon was not. Rather, she was kind, thoughtful, brave, open, intelligent, and all of this obvious in the short half hour I met her.

Now all that said, there is more. See, she is duel citizenship in Canada and the USA, even though she was born in Germany, and grew up in Turkey. She has been to Italy and one other place that I forgot the name of. She looks young and yet has taken three years of Education to teach Elementary school kids, at BYU Idaho, with only 2 more years left. She’s a go-getter. She DOES what she wants to do. She is not afraid. And she is GREAT.

I only met her for so short a time, but I think she has permanently affected my life. I got along with her. I could talk to her. I didn’t feel like an idiot in front of her. Around other people, such as the parlor girls, I feel outcast and stupid. Yet around her I was not judged, not awkward.

In all of this, what does it mean? Why is this of mention really? I met a great person? And so what?

Because it’s my turn.

I am so DONE with all of this. THAT, what she had, THAT I want. True freedom. No fear. She can do what she wants because she is not afraid, and isn’t judging of everything around her.

She danced with the man in the wheelchair. How? Dunno, but she did it! She introduced herself, even though she knows that she is leaving in a few weeks, has no need to learn our names, has no reason to become interested in our lives, but she did anyway. She is my hero. I want to be like her. Caring, and careless. Caring of people, and careless for fear. She is courageous, and wise too.

It is my turn. I’ve been waiting, and now I want to stand up and BE somebody. What have I been waiting for? The things I fear aren’t ever going to be less intimidating. I just have to go do it, and then instead of analyzing it and fretting over what-if-details, do the next thing that scares me.

It’s time.