Time to write again

So many people who pump out blogs do so in such an artistic way... Well, I've stumbled upon a blog that has the potential to change everything about me. No wait... It's not a blog, but one post on that blog. Here is the link: Be Brave Project

It's such an odd feeling where I am right now. So many parts of me are being pulled different directions. For instance, I'm supposed to be getting ready for work... obviously I'm not. There is one direction I'm attempting to ignore being pulled towards. This is called effective procrastination.

I want to be what I don't want to be... That sounds wrong but only up until the point that I explain myself. I don't want to be "chittery" like those people at parties who won't shut up, but I do want to be able to speak when I get thoughts. I tend to analyze each thought briefly before saying them, and though that is useful from the perspective that one should look before they leap, I look so often before I leap, that though I've checked and double checked that it is safe, I choose not to make the jump because there is a slight chance I will fall on my head. I need to take leaps of faith here... What ever happened to "Leap and the net will appear"? See, I want to have both, and they both have their moments, and I tend to side to the one. Look before you leap. So often I'm watching for so long that I miss the chance. The train below the bridge I'm standing on has already left. I want to take those chances in my speech. I want to be that, and yet before I did not want to be that... so perhaps now I've completely confused the sentence I began with. I want to be what I don't want to be. Maybe I've sorted it out some. Communication problems I tell ya, because it makes perfect sense in my head.

I've been so afraid... but no more...

No longer afraid

When I thought upon
The task I have to do,
Terror blurred my eyes,
And I was frozen too.

But earlier today
I came to realize
I don't have to be afraid,
Fear won't be in my eyes.

And then immediately
I had no more to fear
And I stood up upon my feet
And that is why I'm here.

I am no longer afraid,
I am strong and I am brave.
You can look into my eyes
For fearless I will stay.

Sera © 2007

What's been happening in my life

Wow... It truly has been a long time since I last wrote in here. So much has happened. I randomly stumbled upon someone else's blog that inspired me to continue my own. I don't think I'm going to recap my life though.

Honestly, I don't think people read my blogs. That's OK with me though since it's basically only a journal entry any way. So let's see. What do I feel like divulging at this time?

Well, I think the most confusing thing right now is guys. Well, no... Just one of them. There's a deeper reason than most people have for being confused on this topic though. Ok, so I was involved with someone who, before we ever started going steady, told me "we will always be friends". We got more and more involved and he constantly reassured me that we would always be friends. Then, when we broke up, I felt OK about it because he said that we would still be friends. But as time has got the best of me, and I've sent emails he hasn't spoken to me or replied. I've even been to his house while visiting roommates, and he doesn't talk to me. Doesn't hardly give me credit of existing. So is this how friends work? Poor guy. I think he thinks that if he talks to me I'm going to "fall for him" again or vise versa. I don't know. I wish someone could explain this behavior. I'm not bitter, I just wish he could be true to himself. If he doesn't learn to keep promises like this, it will catch up with him at some point.

OK, here's a question, just in case someone reads this, and actually replies. What do I do if someone is interested in me and I'm not interested in them, how do I tell them as kindly as possible, and still bluntly enough that they GET it? Ah well...

Alright. So I just planted wheat to make wheat grass. Steps like this:
1. Put wheat in jar with water to let sprout for a day
2. rinsed the wheat, put out on paper towel and sprayed often (throughout the day) with water for 2 days
3. put 1 inch of dirt (from the store, good fertilizer dirt) in flat, square pie tray, and then placed sprouted wheat roughly one layer thick, and then sprinkled dirt over the top just to cover them. Then sprayed with water a little more to soak the top. It kinda looks like chocolate cake.

And that's as far as I've gotten. We'll see how good they turn out. I put the pie tray on the table. Hopefully no one takes a bite. :D

I am SOOOOOO excited for Christmas. I'm gonna go work on my Christmas list. Wheeeeee!!!!

-Gaddia

msn Final anouncment

Can happiness be bought?

That's an interesting thought, and really depends on what you define happiness as.

What I mean is, that let's say I pay a fee to get into a fair, and happen to have a great time, and am happy while I am there. Did I buy happiness by paying the fee to get in and participate in the activity that seems to have granted me the happiness?

So, if I pay to do something and I am happy, does that mean that I just bought happiness? I'd say no, because someone else may buy the same thing or pay for entrance to the same activity, and not be 'happy' while there.

But like I said before, it depends upon your definition of happiness... Because one person may define it as "getting high", where as another may define it as "feeling joyous", and someone else may say that they are happy, only because they are not feeling sad or depressed.

One of my favorite quotes (but I don't know who said it) is:
"Happiness is the emotion felt by the body,
Joy is the emotion felt by the soul"

It also depends on your definition of "buy" because that could mean paying cash for something, or paying the price or consequence of individual decisions.

Every decision we make has a consequence and by making those decisions we can make ourselves happy. For instance, I can decide to sit on the couch all day, and thereby doing nothing of substance and be very unhappy, or I could go out and be with friends or whatever, and be happy.

Our decisions 'buy' our happiness...

So, CAN we buy our happiness? It depends on your definition.

My latest drawing:

And my latest rant:

Ok, so my bestest friend and I went to THE toy store... Toys R Us. We were looking for the old fashion Tinker toys. You know the kind. Simple, but kids can build anything. Even a simple Lego set... I mean COME ON!!
Anyway, so they did not have any. Nice person told us that but that is not really relevant. No tinker toys in THE toy store. Now if we think about this for a bit... I mean just think about it for a minute, we will see that if there is no Tinker toys in the store then, logically, there must needs be other toys in the store right? Right.
What do they sell in a toy store with no tinker toys? I'll tell you. And I'll tell you a secret. They fill the store and stock the shelves with "educational" laptops for children aged 6 to 8, they stack racks full of flashing lights for infants, the Lego set shelves contain those Lego set already set up to reflect the castle of Hogwarts, or the design of the Lord of the Rings tower etc... And everything sings... Now here is what I realized about these toys:

1. The educational toys such as the leapfrog books that talk to the children teach the children, yes. But they do not teach the children about interacting with other children. It took an entire wall to cover the toys that teach children French and Spanish and early mathematics. Why would there be a need for so much educational products? Do parents simply take little or no time teaching their children anymore? Is it too time consuming? Now why do you suppose children are so angered towards their parents as they grow up? Could it be that parents just do not invest time or sufficient energy into teaching, enjoying time with, and growing with their children? I think so.

2. I believe that the flashing lights on those items that are meant to entertain babies still in their infancy coincided with the constant sounds as they twist or pull bobbles contributes immensely to children's ADD and Hyperactive disorders.

3. The third thing is that after seeing the options for Lego sets, I am forced to conclude that this will influence addictions in the children when they grow older. What a child sees on TV, is now reinforced from the stores into their brains. They find that they like a movie and merchandise comes out to support that and turn it into an addiction, but perhaps only a small addiction. Our whole society is addicted, whether it be to TV, sports, drugs and alcohol, habits, gambling, work etc... The list grows constantly. They are loosing their imagination because castles are shoved at them and they are to make the castle that is portrayed on the box it came in. I am disgusted where this is going.
And that is my rant of the day….

I find Atlantis very fascinating.
I'm looking on the web to check out more about it.
They say it is in the Atlantic Ocean.

'Atlantic' is very close to "Atlantis", which makes me wonder which came first. City of Atlantis or the Atlantic Ocean?
Interestingly enough there is a map of an island in the Atlantic drawn by Plato or his student or some such showing a very large land mass that is labeled "Atlantis" in the Atlantic Ocean.
Though for some reason it appears to have been drawn upside down. Whether or not that has significance, I don't know.

"Map of Atlantis by the 17th-century German scholar Athanasius Kircher. Kircher based his
map on Plato's description of Atlantis as an island west of the Pillars of Hercules - the
Strait of Gibraltar - and situated Atlantis in the ocean that has since been named after the
legendary land. Unlike modern cartographers, he placed south at the top of the map, which
puts America at the right."

Now... Australians believe the world is drawn upside down on the maps today, and even today they draw their maps with north pointing down. This could imply that the Atlantians drew their map upside down because they, like the Australians are, were perhaps in the southern hemisphere.

One more interesting thing is that the atlantic ocean has a mysteriously large piece that looks like a very large sunk island. AND you know the bermuda triangle? It seems to me that the strange wave patterns might have been caused by the absence or dissapearence of Atlantis.
Yes, so now I want to impose the map upside down that I found of Atlantis over top of where the sunken island is.

bah. I need to eat.

Look OK mask

On the outside I look just fine.
I wear a mask that looks alright.
Behind that face that looks so great,
Is a face submissive to it's fate.

Before my eyes I wear a mask.
I won't tell you, 'cause you don't ask.
Here's the thing I won't say:
I live in fear like this every day.

So much emotion of the soul,
The tears of the pain not shown.
Confusion blocking the way to go,
Sadness inside, how could you know?

I wait for moments to shed the mask,
Alone in silence to confront the task.
When it comes off, it hits the ground,
And I'm afraid it's much too loud.

Someone might hear it hit the ground,
And they will run to see the sound.
And I will simply make one more,
That eventually will strike the floor;

And one will hear the sound it makes,
And I will protect me by being fake.
And soon I will create so many masks,
That eventually I am sure to crack.