What a lovely day....

"Shut your silence up.
I can hear it from all the way over here."

The truth.

If they'd just leave me alone, go away, let me die... 

I'd learn real quick to give up or survive 

and I'd find a way out from the pain of this kind. 

Don't make me love you, don't let me forget, 

but please let me go so you know what was left 

when you said I was responsible for your desire to die,

like my love was so toxic I could poison your life. 

Well, if I am so twisted, so despicably gross, 

then leave me alone, my memory and ghost. 

I'll find my own way, and I won't give a fuck. 

You ran out of time when you ran out of luck 

as you tore holes in my soul 

with the words that broke love.

It's ok, is ok, I'm not selling you short, 

I'm just telling the truth instead of praising your worth.

You think you're immune, like the arrow and moon, 

but I am your weakness now and that's just the truth.

So for your sake and my sake I'm running away. 

So you can have peace and I can be safe. 

And maybe one day you can atone for your wrongs, 

but until then, my love, you're no more than a song.

Phones and Emails

I think phones and email is good, but comes with a downside.

Because I CAN be reached at virtually any time of the day, those I am close to think there's something WRONG if I can't be reached.

Nothing is wrong, I just don't want to be interrupted while I figure my life out that just turned on my head. I'm picking up pieces and don't plan to pick up the phone. I'll let you know when I'm back up in the world of functional adults.

Lessons on love

I'm learning the hard way - if there ever was an easy way - the real meaning of love.

Some time ago I thought to myself I knew what love was. It has gone around the heart in twisted knots rediscovering it's own definition as the heart redefined the word: love.

For the longest time I thought it was a selfless act. I was taught love was selfless. But they taught me wrong.

For the longest time I thought love was focusing on another the attention and time they wanted. But I have come to the answer the long way round, that true love is only ever a completely selfish thing. To love someone else is best done when my aim is self-serving for the feelings it infuses in my own chest.

Love is selfish and the more truely selfish I am in giving myself time to be alone, to work through my own problems, to treat myself well, the more others feel loved. How twisted is that?

Note to self:

If you’re going through a breakup, or major life transition, consider the following advice:

As soon as you feel ready to, begin to off-load the physical clutter from your life. Begin to orient yourself and create enough blank spaces in your life that the good stuff can easily fill those spaces back up.

Ouch... This stung.

"failure can be summed up in two words: too late"

A good ingredient for success:

Strive to spend your time on one of two things: what you’re incredibly good at or what you absolutely love. Ideally, both will merge into the same things as you become incredibly good at what you absolutely love.

And lastly, learn to share what you are incredibly good at and what you absolutely love. I believe success is in the sharing of those things.