Modern art no more

Although my head is swirling like I’ve just been on a roller coaster about twenty times because of the sleep-deprivation and headache I have, I am very happy… almost like I’ve had some kind of super-happy pill if those exist. I know they have anti-depressant pills, but do they have super happy pills? They have laughing gas. I guess that counts.

I’m way off track. Ok, so I’m not happy-happy as though I’m doing drugs, but I am very happy because I finally have what it takes to make my life into a metaphorically functional rocket. I finally have the blueprints that will raise me up. And it will, because I have determination, and I believe that determination is part of those blueprints. See, the lines on the paper won’t be a rocket without the determination and the willpower to take a step and start shaping the metal.

Yeah, I know it takes a long time to shape it right, and to make that rocket ship… Anything worth while, for instance like friendships and paintings, take a long time. Some painters (some modern artists) don’t take time, effort or thought.

I usually I just cock my head at those paintings and go “um… gee… I don’t think I CARE what that artist was thinking.” And “wow… Someone actually BOUGHT that?”

When I have kids, I am sure I’ll be saying “Look, my kid could do that! In fact let's sell it and make millions! ” But I don’t have any kids yet, so I’m just going to be content saying “I could have done that when I was one. ...grumble....grumble..."

It’s rather disgraceful to the human intellect to be calling it art. If they want to call it art, and disgrace the word, then at least let us distinguish between the two with a different word for what I esteem as art:

Um…



Once again, I’m WAY off track. Can someone say “Tangent!”

So back to why am I so happy. Mostly because of a realization and a choice. I realized that 10 X 6 is 60, and that has changed my life. No. I realized something much greater. I realized something about who I am, and why I am the way I am. I’ve been letting people shape who I am and I’ve let them take control. Of course that is a subconscious allowance. But I don’t have to let THEM make me who I am, and I don’t have to let THEM intimidate me. I can be me and they can be them. I don’t need to be their mom, and they don’t need to be mine. I already have one of those thank you very much, and I quite enjoy her.

So after I made that realization, I made the choice to choose instead of letting myself be trodden over and made into some form of modern art. No ribbons, no bows; no quivering at intimidation, no crossing of fingers behind my back to ease the nervousness. None of that. I like being real, and incredible, and


just. me.