Gonna get vulnerable here for a sec... bare with me.

I've been a little socially awkward most of my life, and I've exerted much effort to reclaim what lessons I've missed in the social school of life.

How am I awkward? Well a lot of it has improved over the years with careful paying attention (ie: people watching), and the majority doesn't matter as much as I thought it did, but I still feel the conversation falls flat if I do this one thing. It's not like my chin twitches or something, it's much subtler than that.

It's something to do with my response when someone asks me about myself. For example, someone might ask what I do for a living and instead of answering in any interesting way, I give a point-blank "I'm a graphic designer, and I'm excited about it."... Well the conversation just died there because there was nothing else for the person to go off of. A friend of mine who took drama class (which I unfortunately missed out on during our moving-around-from-one-high-school-to-the-next-phase) said that one major rule in improv drama is to always always add something to the scene for the other actors to build off of. Well that's good advice in any setting, and especially in non-awkward-social interactions.

So instead of just saying what I do with an "I'm so excited about it" I need to tell them what that MEANS to me. For example, if I were to tell someone what it meant for me to do what I do for a living, I might say:

"Well, I'm a graphic designer. I got into graphic design when I was sixteen, more or less by accident and I just kept honing the skill because it seemed to provide a valuable service for people, so I just kept doing it until finally I realized why I wanted to continue doing graphic design. Being a graphic designer sets me free - free to set my own hours, free to chase my passions, free to go anywhere I want to go, free to express myself. Graphic design is my way of giving the greatest gift I could to myself, and that is: freedom."

And who couldn't say something about that? I've given WAY more to build off of than with what I would have said before. And something meaningful to boot! OH MUY GOSH - This is a REVELATION to my finite brain - how did I miss that life lesson???

Just because I know now what it was that I am / was missing, that doesn't mean the problem is solved. I need tips and tricks to put it into practice. Here's one tip I picked up in my search so far:

There are a couple questions which could help others struggling with the same issue of answering with a lack of detail is to ask one of these questions:

"When that opportunity / thought / thing came along, what was it that you overcame to get there?" or "What was it that HELD you back?" or "What inspired you to get to where you are now?" 

THOSE questions are the questions people really want answers to. They are the questions people are usually asking. It makes it interesting. They can build off of the answers you give. Not sure how I missed that social cue, but wow does it make a difference!

"One of the most fundamental things about a good story is the change of a belief. You can use external objects to represent the change of those beliefs, but most of it happens on the inside."
- Amber Johnson

Walk a mile in their shoes. Or not.

You know what messed me up as a kid? The statement: Walk a mile in their shoes.

I adopted that phrase and as a result, never walked in my own shoes till recently. What a view! What a difference! What a revelation!

So check this out. The math surprised me.

If I walk one mile in their shoes, not only am I walking ONE mile in a direction I don't want to go, but I also have to back track ANOTHER mile to get back to the place I was before I started walking.

And not only do I lose time going there and back, but I ALSO lose the time I would have spent walking 2 miles in my OWN direction.

That's a total loss of 4 F***ING miles for every ONE mile I walk in someone else's shoes!!!

This doesn't mean never do it, just don't do it all the time. Just because they say to walk a mile in someone else's shoes, does NOT mean to walk ALL miles in everyone else's shoes. Pick and choose carefully when you want to step into someone else's shoes because you want to make sure you're following your own heart, traveling your own road of life, not someone else's.

Be yourself. Don't let others convince you that you're the problem; be the wall they break themselves against because you won't change.
— Amber J (@Phenomenousity) October 21, 2014

Slow me down

Feels like there has been so much going on lately that I can barely set my eyes on any one thing before something else is thrust in front of me to deal with... it's all a blur, and I'm sure you can relate at some point in your life. 

And I think the issue I really have with it isn't that there are many things happening, but rather that while it all went on (and is still going on), I've done so many things that sting to look back on. It's only ever when I slow down enough to breathe deeply (maybe sit down with some warm tea in my hand and gaze into the flickering firelight again) that I can look at those actions and learn from them. I find it is so important to me to just take time to sit still, getting real with myself, paying attention to the inner goings on, integrating lessons, noticing, experiencing. 

Without those moments, I'm just clockwork, a task zombie, a people pleaser, and ultimately downright miserable. 

Today I needed this reminder to get still with myself, and I'm going to let it sink in. This song says it well: 

Opinions Please....

Confusion. Like an meteorite, it just hit me.

Facebook is an interesting playground because I get to test what it is that other people find interesting. It seems that people find some posts more interesting than others. It's usually quite surprising because I assume some posts which I've poured my heart and soul into should get more attention, but they usually aren't the ones that get conversations started. It's usually the ones that I just stick up thinking "Hm. I relate to that. Isn't that interesting."

But there seems to be a pattern in what people take interest in. Facebook in particular is like this great big testing ground for psychological if-then experiments. Sorry folks, I'm not saying you're all Guinea pigs or lab rats (which terminology in and of itself is a whole other blog post), but that when you want information, isn't facebook a great place to collect information from? I'd just like to say that I really don't see it like this any of the time up until today. So please don't think I'm judging and analyzing comments... That would be uncomfortable.

Anyway, as I was saying, there seems to be a pattern in what people take interest in. It seems to me that a person takes interest in things that are most relevant not to the person telling the story, but to the reader herself. In every case, it seems that people share what is relevant to their world, and yet only if others find it relevant do they respond. Interesting isn't it? I mean, you post something on facebook or you tell someone about your day, and it's not really you or your story they are interested in. They are actually only interested in how it relates to their life. Would you agree?

So now I'm wondering what can I give to other people to add value and substance to their lives through my own experiences?

This is the question, and I am stumped.

It begs a few more questions which I've yet to figure out answers to, such as:

• Is it ok to discuss my triumphs, or is that bragging? Is bragging wrong? What is right? 
• Are my struggles worth sharing with people in general? If so, when and how? 
• Are my tedious activities such as going here or there of interest to anyone? If so, how?
• What is it that others relate to the best? 
• Why do people feel inspired by other's stories? 
• How can I build inspiration into my story? Or can I? 

Anyway I would ADORE you forever if you'd take part in the discussion here. This is very important to me. Question is, is it important enough to you to respond? 

Peaceful Dragonfly

Went out for a walk in the sun the other day and came back with a lesson about the universe.

A few nights ago, my sister and I got talking with a friend about accepting what is, instead of pushing away reality because we don't agree with it or don't like it. One of the things that stood out to me was a thought this friend shared: 

"Set the intension for what you want and let it go." 

For quite possibly my whole life I've been looking for peace and not known where to find it. So setting the intension for peace and then letting go may be the best thing I could do to find peace. Chasing peace in and of itself is not a peaceful energy. Which is what I discovered in a tangible way with a local dragonfly.

As I was walking the other day, I noticed a large dragonfly being blown madly to and fro in the wind (Lethbridge is known for it's raging winds), so much so that the beautiful creature couldn't fly. In curiosity and compassion I picked it up and held it gently in my palms. Curiously enough it didn't even attempt to fly away let alone crawl around my hands to explore. It just sat there, seemingly at peace and relieved to be safe from the wind at last.

It rode in my hands for about five or ten minutes as I walked the few blocks home, unsure what I would do with this peaceful creature. It wasn't until I made it home to my front lawn that I finally decided maybe I would take it inside and keep it since it was so cute and all. But the funniest thing is, as soon as my feet reached the lawn, the dragonfly suddenly decided this was its stop and it flew away.

It was only seconds after I decided I would keep it that it flew away. There is something telling about that since the dragonfly embodied peace to me. It seemed to be telling me that peace just IS, and if we TRY to hold onto it, it will leave us.

Peace doesn't exist in war. We can only set the intension for peace to find us... and let it go.

Come Dance With Me

Wrote a new song a little while ago and recorded it today.

SOOOOO looking forward to the new mic coming in the mail! :)

How I LOVE spam. Seriously.

I only just realized how absolutely LOVELY spam is. 

I get to completely IGNORE all of these "urgent" emails. I never ever have to open ANY of them. Ever. Because they are spam.

THIS. IS. AMAZING.

You know how stressful it is to receive an "urgent" email from someone, when you're already overloaded with things to do? It's stressful! So how totally freekin fantastic is it that everyone who gets spam has the complete freedom to 100% ignore the existence of these "urgent" emails? You don't have to touch them. You don't have to answer them. You don't have to do anything. At all. 

It's like waking up to a wrapped gift at your door when you forgot it was your birthday. That's how awesome is that. 

Quitting vs Giving Up

There is a big difference between quitting and giving up.

See, giving up is that feeling you get when you decide within yourself that you aren't worth trying for. Giving up is that sense of abandoning yourself. Giving up is that universal gesture of hands in the air, surrendering in bitterness. Giving up is retreating from oneself. Giving up is betrayal of self.

Quitting on the other hand is choosing to let go of something that doesn't serve you anymore. Quitting is making the decision to do something even better for yourself than what you were doing before. Quitting is saying no to one thing so you can say yes to something else. Quitting is going with the flow and moving forward. Quitting is supporting your higher self.

So never give up.

But go ahead and quit*.

*Side note, quit when you've got a better option, don't just quit cold turkey. No one likes cold turkey. The gravy doesn't stick.

True Love vs Choosing Love

I don't believe true love is something that catches you off guard when that someone special walks by - I believe it's a choice. 

And you can only choose something such as love, when you know how. You can't choose love while you're convinced the other person is wrong, or when you are afraid and can only see the fear. Trust me, I know by first hand experience.

See, you cannot actually choose a loving behaviour if you don't have the tools to choose it. It's just not possible to make a decision if there appears to be only one option. By definition, "decide" means to make a choice from a number of alternatives. The "choices" we make in a relationships can only ever be "reactions" to behaviour if we DON'T KNOW how else to respond. Let me repeat that in clearer words... 

If we DON'T KNOW how else to react, we are only DELUDED by believing we are making a CHOICE.

True love whether romantic, familial, or toward a friend is a choice. But how can you choose to love someone when you can only see pain, hurt, betrayal, distance, coldness, neglect or disinterest?

The truth they don't tell us in all the fairytales and romantic stories is much less glamorous and yet much more fulfilling and empowering than any fictional work I've seen so far. Here's the truth: 

"True love" is made up of two things: 

1. Information 

and 

2. Choice

When we see pain, distance, neglect etc in our partner, we must ask questions if we want to stay in love. Inform ourselves about the other person's side, understand what's going on, ask questions, get curious. If it's not clear what questions to ask, begin by asking yourself what you see, want and need.

We must have information in order to make good choices, and we are told by the media that all we need is love. Well love is a choice and we must educate ourselves if we want to stay in love! Educate ourselves with books, videos and information, and most importantly educate ourselves about ourselves. 

If we believe we only have one option, if we do not know the rest of the story, we will believe we have no choice, and we must take the only option available, but the truth is - WE SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW BETTER YET.

I am pro-education especially regarding relationships because I am a lover. I can love better, the more I can choose. I can choose better the more I am aware. The more I am aware, the better the world is.

What do you think? 

A Note from The Universe

Over the past few weeks there has been a recurring theme snagging my attention in business, relationships and personal growth. It was important enough to not only write down but also to integrate into my life at any cost.

Themes are often recurring in my life and tend to work like this, that when the universe wants to tell me something, it more or less hands me a note paper with an important message scribbled on it. After letting me read the message, the universe decides to hand me another note paper a few days later to reinforce the idea that I should do something about the message it had handed me the day before.

It goes on like this for a few weeks, the universe handing me message after message on different pieces of figurative note paper until one day after I've collected the same message on several of these bits of paper, I finally give in and shake a fisted note at the sky (which at this point has become an ACTUAL note paper on which I've taken down the dictations of the universe in my own penmanship) with a slight smirk and a "Fine! I get the point! I'll do it, I'll do it!"

After searching for answers to some of my personal questions about how to get what I want out of life, the universe kindly handed me this message (again and again) over the last couple weeks:

Hey Sarah!
I heard you're looking for a few new things in your life such as a good relationship, happiness, more money and all that lovely stuff you mortals like to have around. Well I thought I'd help you out and let you in on the trick to getting what you want. If you're interested in doing something about it, there are the two parts to it:  

First, you've got to get present with yourself. You've got to know what you REALLY want. This can be tricky if you don't know how to get present with your higher self, but I've got confidence you'll figure it out.

The second part is tricky. You've got to get present with yourself enough to let go of the very thing you want. See, if you hold on to it too tightly, you'll miss it when I hand it to you because it won't look exactly like what you were expecting. It'll be better, and you'll miss it if you're too busy focusing on it the way you think it ought to be. To get what you want, you must let go of how it is delivered and focus only on being so present with the moment that you can with child like excitement recognize the gift when I give it to you. 

You must first decide to be happy, and then you may have the things that you think make you happy. It sounds like a contradiction, but I promise that if you chase the things you think will make you happy, you won't be happy even once you have them, and if you are at peace with yourself you'll naturally receive the things that really do make you happy. The truth is you'll never be happy if happiness is dependant on things outside of yourself.  

So keep moving, set your sights on what you want and let go of the outcome. Focus on accepting what is, and I'll do the heavy lifting.

Love you, 

The Universe