Share. Delete. Repeat.

I share,
cautiously.
And then I retract.
shamefully.
My emotions are invalid.
My needs are ridiculous.
My pain is irrelevant.
I share my emotions -
cautiously.
And then I retract.
shamefully:
I'm sorry I shared.
I'm sorry that I'm sorry I shared.
I'm sorry for existing.
I'm sorry.
...fuck.... why did I say that?
--- -- - ------ ----?
- ---- --- ------.
Scratch all that.
I'm oversharing.
I should delete this.
I should delete everything.
Can I just start over?
Like, can I just go back in time,
and save my dad from dying?
Everything would be different.
Ron wouldn't have married my mom,
Owen wouldn't have died,
I wouldn't have moved to Alberta,
I wouldn't have --- -----
- -------- ---- ------ -- -------
Everything would be different.
Maybe one day
I'll look back on this and remember
what it was like to feel this way
to shamefully regret sharing.
Maybe I'll feel different in future.
Maybe my emotions will be valid.
Maybe my needs will be heard.
Maybe my pain will be understood.
Maybe I can share my life story without shame.
Maybe one day I will own my story.
I hope.
But right now,
all I want to do
is delete this.