What I wish I could say...

I wish I had the opportunity that they do in romance movies sometimes. You know that part near the end where one of the main characters gets to say the one thing that fixes it all? It's usually just some cheesy line or maybe a sincere apology that lasts one minute or less.

Well I wish I had that chance right now. I wish I had one minute.

But sometimes it's just impossible to tell someone what it is you want to say. I don't know why circumstances don't exist like in the movies (at least not in my life) and it seems really hopeless that they don't. All you want to do is tell the one person that matters to you what's really going on inside and it is impossible to do because the other person just doesn't want to hear it. They just don't. And no amount of begging or texting or facebook messaging is going to change that they simply don't want to talk to you. Still.

And in those moments which you wish you could transform everything from unspoken misunderstandings into explained assurances, you're only left with a wish that things could be different. And oh how I wish I could make it different.

What I wish I could say is...

and

But since I don't have that chance.... Since you won't let me have the chance to explain myself... I have to let go. I have to stop fighting the reality that you just don't want to talk to me. And so I let go. 

I let go because I matter too much to myself to stay here, and I choose to live in love not in fear or regret. I choose to love, and in that loving, I let you go. 

I let go because you matter too much to me to mar the experiences and memories we made with something as trivial and painful as holding on, grasping at what once was, clawing at it to continue. You matter too much to remember anything other than the beauty that we had for the time that we had it. 

And so, with all my love which you never knew I had for you, I let you go.