This is my second blog-spot because I made a nice new one but forgot the address. Go figure. The reason I want a blog to begin with is that I just need a place to go where I can say what I feel. I mean, I guess I am feeling kinda glum and I just want to talk about it. Strangely, I don't want to talk to someone about it because I don't feel that they'd understand. Or maybe they'd ask too many questions. I am looking for someone to listen, even if no one does. At least there is a chance that someone will read it. I suppose more people than just myself come to the internet to post blogs for the same reason. They just need someone to listen. But do people actually read these? Aren't we all too busy posting? I don't know the answer. I know that I am too busy right now to be reading other people's posts. Which is sad because I am expecting someone to do that for me. Oh, I know that at some point I'll read blogs posted by others but I am not in a good position to do that right now. I hope I can return the favor if someone needs it of me.

There are so many things that I want from life but I don't feel that I can get them. I am completely unmotivated right now. If I was motivated, I think I would go out there and get the things I need, but as is, I am sitting here at the library computer posting blogs for reasons unknown to me. Or, maybe they are known but not conciously. I mean there are so many things I should be doing instead right now. But as soon as I start my essay or try to gear my mind towards something, it just doesn't stick. It floats around like it were a bubble in water, constantly distracted and going back to the singularly same thing. A guy. Yes, though to any one who knew me a half-year ago would gawk at that last sentence, it is true. A guy came into my life. Interesting isn't it? I mean how is it that the one thing we try to avoid comes to us? The one thing I didn't want put itself in my way. Do I regret the time I've had with him? No. It's from here on though that I have to make choices that I won't regret later. I feel that if I don't do something or if I DO do something I am going to regret it. I want to pause and take a look at it... But I don't think that is possible. So I am left here to just speculate and cry. Oh well.... I guess life will go on won't it? That is the comfort I get from most people. "Oh he's just a guy. It'll pass." It's almost as though I don't want it to pass, and yet I do. Conflicting messages, I know. I don't want to deal with this all right now. I just want to live independantly right now. Is something wrong with that? Or was it Ok until he came into the picture? Is it Ok to want that again? Ah... Well, I will go on. I will live. I'll get over it. I will have to. I can't stay here sulking, or I'll drag myself under. I feel that my head is already under water, which would be fine unless I stay there. But I will drown if I don't do something. So I have to make up my mind and go one way or another.